...wheren

Knowing what needs to happen does not always come with the will and ability to make it happen.

I have faith in a better future, I believe in a greater force of good working for a bright tomorrow, but minutes, hours, days, months have passed and still a tinge of bitterness lingers from yesterday.

I have gotten used to having that ache, that pain that is almost constantly nudging the deepest recesses of my heart and soul.

But getting used to it has not made it any easier, time and time again it comes back and while I know the attack is going to be brutal, while I know how and where and how devastating it would hit, it has never been able to prepare me to handle it...

I see clearly, I know the poison I am swallowing yet I cannot help but to swallow it...

I have long accepted the fact that there are things, many things, countless things not meant to be mine regardless of my efforts, sacrifices, blood, sweat, tears, whatever you may call it, I spent, invested, wasted on it...

In the eye of fate, the faithful and the faithless have no difference, neither are taller standing nor any shorter kneeling down, all equally crawls humbled...

I do not know what more lesson can be drawn from the perpetual pain, but the pain has yet to abandon me, perpetual, relentless, unforgiving...

Knowing what needs to happen, does not always come with the will and ability to make it happen.

...and in this world, the most lasting impressions come from bitterness.

For even Job feels he has been cheated when the worst comes.

GODSPEED LITTLE CHILD

...So came a thought to mind,

a painful truth choked my throat with a silent sob

a thin film of tears clouds my vision

when realization dawns

of what bitter creatures idealists are

Once innocence is lost

and the pink glasses of childhood-if there ever were-was lifted

thus unveiled the ever imposing,

infinitely intimidating cold world.

When dreams are hammered to submission by reality,

when one is forced to one's knees,

drowned in the bitter bile of thick sickening selfishness of human truths

My Lost Heart Odyssey

I sucked in a lump of air
And I tasted bile
I stare at the mirror and I see a villain
For guilt and pity are poisoning my mind
And I am but a weak mortal.

Providence touch my soul
Relieve me of this burden
For by mine own deeds I am encumbered
In my half-chosen ignorance I break my sacred seal
Again I feel tainted
Again I have wronged me.

I seek shelter and found none
For I know that from my pack I am now a criminal.

No solace for my guilty heart
No peace for my torn integrity
Serenity is but a distant dream
A utopia for one forsaken

To find blame which only I can claim.

Sliver of Doubt

...That strange pain that lingers

These hidden wounds that throb and festers

Time and time again I have fallen,

Too many I have abandon

And apathy drains me,

And despair hugs me,

Suffocating memories,

Asphyxiating reality,

I have nothing

And I don't know what to want

Sliver of Sincerity

...Extending the tendrils of intuition

Reaching out for the ephemeral existence of shy hopes and muted wishes

Here is me,

The remnants of old glory

The obelisk of past arrogance

Standing defiantly against the tide of time

A promise from a forgotten age.

Rise young souls and be not me...

[ Original post here]

Is it Too Late to Say 'Happy New Year'?

Well, it's been a long while since I post anything.
I just thought that I need to put something artsy here.
I'm planning on some pretty drastic changes in my life this year, but I'm just too much of a sloth to start anything for now.
I wanted to pursue more on art, but I need to work on other things first.

Happy new year!

Unspoken

...

Blaming is long overdue,
Nothing more to gain of unnecessary pain
Tis not of vengeance I stay away
But the sense of inadequacy that bounds my mind

I'll be gone till I find a better me

...

I'm Just Nearby

So I did lost a part of me back then
I may or may not find it again
Remembering how all these began
For all that matters here I stand
For all that matters I restrained

It's no longer my game to play
In your heart is the way
Though I've always been astray
For you I've never been away

So here I stay

In your heart is the way
In silence I will pray

 

 

Sleepless Dream Weaver

Sleepless Dream Weaver

Originally posted on 01:11 AM, 16-Nov-10 at Dream Projector

. . .

Through the encumbering looming shadows,

the mists and cold the path goes.

With limping steps treading slowly

the madness within haunting relentlessly.

Here one stand struggling,

the defiant who bows to nothing

the forsaken who answers to no one.

The outcast who followed no rule

and recognizes no master

Here one carving a story

be it glory or obscurity

to victory or demise

. . .

Shy Steps

I think I'd want to write a story someday, when I got the chance... if  I ever got the chance.
Something romantic, some light reading or perhaps melodrama?
I've been quite influenced by some Japanese and Korean melodramatic movies lately.
I would personally recommend "Taiyou no Uta" for starters, then try "Say Hello for Me"
There will be about 70% chance that you'd be hooked haha.

Creedleon : Mumbles

Love is the Way I Say Good Morning, Good Day, Good Afternoon
and
Good Evening


This too, in its way is uncertainty

...

I don't know how to proceed anymore.

Being me, the way I am

...

Created on March 22nd 2010

Pain Revisited

You didn't fail me,

you failed yourself,

I've tried but it seems that I've failed you too,

for that I apologize.

Creedleon : Memory Fade Out

Blue Dream Serenade

...as I learn to harness it, 

I found that it was never meant to be harnessed, 

the more I tried to tighten my grip, 

the faster it's slipping away from me, yet I'm too afraid to let it go...

Creedleon : Memory 05

. . .

I'm listening to Maksim's Claudine, it's 12 : 43 AM here.

A rainy night in Tondano, my hometown.

Cold night, but not really that cold.

The tunes suits the night's mood.

I love this weather

. . .

I'm having one of those days when the sense of reminisce is strong.

Thinking about the past, not that there is much about my past.

It's just that, lately
 

:pETER :pAN COM:pLEX

Finally after several name changes, I think I've found the real name for this stupid blog.
Considering how stupid it might turn out, and how stupid it have been, I'm trying to think of the stupidest name possible [but at the same time wanting that stupid name to be cool too, is that possible?]

Well, anyway... I don't think that I will change this one. I love it.
What do you think? is it good?
What?
No?
Who cares, I love it, I won't change it q:

Vagrant Story

The body is but a vessel for the soul,

a puppet which bends to the soul's tyranny.

And lo, the body is not eternal,

for it must feed on the flesh of others,

lest it return to the dust from whence it came.

Therefore must the soul deceive, despise and murder men.

Quoted from A.J. Durai at the game Vagrant Story

Thoughts That Have Been Bothering Me

A collection of my favorite status updates (((:

d: sƃuıɥʇ ƃuıǝǝs ǝɹ,noʎ 'sǝʎ

"We reveal our true self in the way we love and in the way we hate..."

"It doesn't matter how much you give, what really matters is to whom you present it..."

(; uʍop ǝpısdn pǝdʎʇ ʎllɐǝɹ sı sıɥʇ 'ɹǝʇndɯoɔ ɹnoʎ ɹo sǝʎǝ ɹnoʎ ʇou s,ʇı 'ʎɹɹoʍ ʇ,uop

"Some people looks great, some people sounds great, but the truly great people are usually in hiding..."

"A great man is not one that can overcome his perils but one that can still help others while in peril..."